by juststephen250

Tuesday, October 29, 2013 10:50pm

I was going to post tonight on a completely different topic, however a conversation that I had changed my mind on that. It made me somewhat reconsider what I’m doing with life, how I’m wasting so much time, which I’m always thinking about but never doing as much as I should about.

There are so many different things I’d like to do in this life, however my health prevents me from doing near as much as I’d like. Due to my stomach issues, I’m unable to do too much a few days a week, plus back issues prevent anything very physical.

If it wasn’t for these issues (which I sometimes use as an excuse more than I should) I would do different things. I’d love to work a full time job and actually have a steady earned income coming in. I’d love to join the peace corps and get to travel the world. I’d enjoy going on mission trips and actually help people. I wish I could find more opportunities around here where I could actually find some sort of tangible way to spend time to help people in need, however transportation is also an issue as well.

Someone said that they wish they had the freedom that I do and the time I do. I don’t wish it on anyone if it comes with the pain and health issues that I have. If it wasn’t for those, I’d have little to no free time either as I’d be busy actually living life rather than doing less physically demanding things like sitting at home reading books (mostly fiction), browsing the internet and other pretty lame stuff, when you think about it.

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and have nothing to tell for it, but the longer I live and the less that I end up doing, the more it looks that it may be that way. That’s honestly one of my fears, living life and having nothing to show for it. Wasting it and not benefiting anyone else in any real way. I care about other people too much to just sit around and do nothing, however I need to figure out where I could be of help as well. I reminds me of the following song, I don’t know if it’ll link or not.

I enjoy the lyrics of songs more than I enjoy the music most of the time. This song is pretty deep if you actually read the lyrics. I’ll break down a few..

Of all who’s who and so-n-so’s that used to be the best. (Every celebrity out there that thinks they’re all that, or when we present ourselves as more or better than we are or think we’re better than someone else, we’re just fooling ourselves. We’re just humans. Even if we’re on the top now, our fifteen minutes of fame will end and sooner or later, someone else will take our place. What really matters is what we do with it.)

But in the end I’d like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world. (The world being temporary is sometimes the only thing that gets me thought. That there’s an infinitely better place.. A light at the end of the tunnel as Third Day would put it.)

I could go in more depth with different lyrics from this song, but it really gives you a reality check and that you need to focus your life on things that are greater than the temporary.

Going back to where I was at before I got distracted by one of the many random songs happily floating around in my head…

I suppose that one of my main issues is just motivation. I don’t expect good things to happen. I don’t expect anything new to happen. I am always too pessimistic and therefore I’m not able to fully enjoy life.

I’m making it a point on this blog that after I type something, I can’t edit it. It stays the way that it is, unless it’s a typo or something, I won’t edit it. If I do think about what I’m going to post twice, I’ll find myself going back and changing it or perhaps not even writing it at all.

On another note, Thursday is Halloween.

I am not going to overly dress up. I should’ve bought a costume in the spring or summer when they were insanely discounted online, however I didn’t have the foresight to do so. I have two little masks I can pick from, either a devil or an alien. They’re both cheap little things, one I bought at WalMart, the other at Dollar Tree.

It’s insanely hard to find any mask that will accommodate glasses. They seriously need to do something about that as vision issues are getting more and more common these days. Sure, those with contacts don’t have to worry about it as much, however I don’t know if I’d be able to put them in and out of my eyes all of the time. Plus they’re much more expensive than eyeglasses, which I’ve worn my entire life just about.

Now I’m really going off on tangents as I tend to do, so I’m going to end this post.