Singleness and randomity
November 5, 2013 – 9:15pm (start)
I know that I haven’t been posting faithfully – it’s been almost a week. I can throw together a coherent post in no time, however I haven’t had the motivation to do so, even though I have been pondering a few different subjects to post about. I doubt that anyone really reads this – at least it’s an outlet of some sort and it might help someone who randomly visits this blog one day.
So, today, I guess I’ll talk about singleness. Myself, I’ve been single my entire life. Not out of choice – I don’t feel that I’m meant to be single. I, like most everyone else, worry about who I’m going to end up with one day, if I’m going to end up with someone, if I’m ever going to be in a relationship.
I believe I’ve personally avoided getting in any situations where I might meet anyone and staying to myself simply due to the experiences I’ve had in the past.
I’ll go into a few. When I was a kid, I had a friend named Nancy for a while. In reality, it was her and her snot-nosed brother, who I forget the name of. I don’t remember a lot about them, just one shopping trip with them and their mother. I do remember though that I ran away, even as a child, when they told their mother that I said that I loved them, which was false. I don’t remember talking to them again after that.
Also, the experience of my parents divorcing after 27 years of marriage didn’t help my perspective when it comes to having a view that marriage is meant to last and that it is a covenant between two people. Sure, I knew this from reading the Bible, however my view from actually living in a generally not pleasant atmosphere affected my overall impressions, I believe. There was always chaos and fighting between my parents when I was growing up and constant fighting between my brothers and I. I hated it to the core – I always have been someone that avoids drama and will do anything to stay away from it if at all possible.
Also, my brother married a woman that just wanted him for his insurance, that also didn’t help things a great deal, although I don’t think it was as influential as other events in my life.
Now that I think about it, I was pretty close to someone that I knew online, however it couldn’t progress further than friendship simply due to the fact that I would’ve been unequally yoked. I made it clear and apparent that it was an issue for me, that I couldn’t bypass. It pushed them away, I believe, however I just couldn’t share my life with someone that isn’t a Christian. 2 Corinthians 6:14.
Regardless, it comes down to that my fear of being judged and simply not allowing me to be myself when around others is the core issue, with these past experiences just making the whole cycle being more vicious to break. There are so many things I’d like to say, that I attempt to, however my mind will not let me do so. It’s not pleasant. I need to work on this. I’m okay with it when I’m typing online to someone or after a conversation has started one on one with someone, but especially in groups, I freeze up. I’m sure it makes me appear like an idiot over periods of time, however that’s not true in the least, at least when it comes to how much information flows through my brain constantly.
I’ve started going on a tangent again. I’m sorry. I tend to do that. Going back to singleness, I’ve been looking at various verses about it in the Bible. Most point towards the fact that it is not good for a man to be alone – ultimately pointing back to the Garden of Eden when God found it fit to create man a helper. However, different people in the Bible have their own opinion in the matter, such as:
1 Corinthians 7:8: To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.
He elaborates further down about this in verses 32:35.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35: I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
Therefore, he is suggesting this so that the man or woman in question can focus solely on the Lord and not have to worry about the insane amount of commitment time and resources that having a successful and Godly marriage entails.
However, there’s a warning near the first bit of 7, vs 1 and 2:
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
So this boils down to that he believes that it is good for a man to not be married, however because of the temptation that is inherent in man, it is good to be married if you do not have a strong relationship with Christ, which is one way to interpret it as, as you may fall into temptation and succumb.
I guess I’m really falling into tangents again and going past what I meant to for ‘singleness’.
I suppose what it is good for us to do is to pray and attempt to realize if it is God’s will for us to stay single or not. He’s calling some of us to it, however mostly are called not to be single.
Since I’m not editing what I type after I type for any of my blog posts, I’m not going to edit out unnecessary information that isn’t really relevant to the topic of this post. For the time being, I need to focus on being more outgoing and not allowing Satan to trick me into believing that I am being critically judged for every word that I say. When it comes down to it, by not being outgoing and by not allowing myself to worship and discuss the Bible and other topics freely with others, I’m depriving others of input that might stir other ideas and therefore doing exactly what Satan wants.
Ah, if only I could have been in the Garden that day with a pair of steel toed boots, hiding behind a tree (with a machete dipped in holy water for backup) when he approached Adam and Eve… Joking obviously, but I had to end with a more humorous thought in my head.