This post is going to be a little all over the place. I haven’t posted in over a month. I’ve thought about it, but I haven’t been able to come up with anything coherent to post about.
I haven’t been feeling well physically as I twisted my back worse a few weeks ago and it’s made it hard to do too much. I was also assaulted in downtown Savannah two weeks ago now, I believe it was.
Two African American guys about six feet tall came up behind me and elbowed or hit me in the back of the head, knocking me down, my glasses flew off. They looked at me for a moment and then ran away as fast as they could. I called 911, the officer filed a report and I refused EMS services.
Anyway, I’m feeling better from that, I think. Maybe not complete, but mostly.
Another reason I thought I’d post tonight is to talk about a sermon that I just listened to that spoke to me a bit. The topic was a chapter in Psalms, pretty much asking do you hate your sins because they make you feel bad or hurt you, or because there’s real world consequences for them, or do you hate your sin because of what Christ had to pay for them and because you understand that God is just and cannot be around sin.
Sadly, it seems in my head that I’ve been one of the former. I sin. I hate the fact that I sin. I hate the guilt that it brings me. I hate how depressed it makes me. Far more depressed than usual. I hate that I did it and that some sins are habitual for me, and how many times I’ve fallen to them.
Not as often as I like do I actually think about the sacrifice that Christ made for we could be with Christ and how my sins look to God. I merely think about how they make me feel, which is by far not the most important aspect.
I definitely need to pray more that God will show me and help me understand what Christ did on the cross and to help me understand and comprehend how heinous sin is to God.
I’m not the most coherent tonight, I have so many things going on in my mind that it’s not funny. I can’t stop thinking, which is what typically happens this time of night.
I’m going to cut this short and get some sleep before long, I think.
I hope that everyone has a good night. I’ll try to post on here more often, but I won’t make any guarantees.